Even good changes are sad.

Dear Diary,

13. Saturday morning I ripped about 100 CDs to The Cloud. I will try to sell them in Garage Sale, ’12, the Sequel. It turns out that since it was Mother's Day, things were a bit slow.

12. Also on Saturday, Sweet Baboo and I started stacking up books, and movies we no longer wanted. We held onto some. I'll gradually let go of these, just wasn't quite ready to, yet. The way I explained it to Baboo was, we had over 300 books, movies, and CDs. items. If even a third of those sold, that's $$$ we didn't have before, for things that we don't use or look at.

11. Having Satuday off was a miracle. The weekend was so lolong. It was fantastic.

10. Sunday, I had the garage sale. I wasn't able to put out signs, so we didn't sell much. We made about enough to buy a printer/scanner, which we did. Meanwhile, I'll be having the same garage sale next Sunday. With signs.

9. Also on Sunday, I cleaned out my dresser and my exercise closet. To do this, the book I'm reading suggests you just completely empty it out and then start putting back things that you absolutely use. So I wound up with extra socks and shirts, and the pile of little things that have fallen into drawers over the years: random, single earrings; pens, change, paperclips, safety pins, jump drives, etc.

8. Monday, Old Job took me out to lunch. I've never had a farewell thing before, and it was nice. When I left teaching in 2008, nobody said goodbye; nobody cared. It was all, "Did you turn your keys?" These guys act like they might miss me. They gave me a thank you card, and a gift card to Buffalo Wild Wings.

7. Also on Monday, my cough seems to be nearly gone. I'm looking at this Saturday, at the Jemez 50K.They changed the course because of last year's fire. Of course, as you know, I have barely trained this year, and I've been sick for the past three weeks.

In the words of the immortal Bridget Jones:fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I am thinking that miles 10 to 15 will be particularly unpleasant.

6. With the new scanner/printer thingie. I will soon begin scanning in the oldest of the photo albums that I inheirited from my parents. These included many, many newspaper clippings of my parents when they were champion bowlers in Ohio, and when my mother was a respected artist in Alabama.



5. Wednesday. With no small amount of bittersweet feelings, I packed up the last of my office and said goodby to the coworkers I'd known since 2009. I won't be completely out of touch with them. The mental health community in Albuquerque is pretty small, after all, and we have active Scrabble and Draw It! Games going.

They gave me a placque. Placke. Plaque. A wooden thing with my name on it, thanking me for my service. And chocolate.

I turned off the light, locked and shut the door, and turned in my keys, and drove away. I hope I left good mojo to whomever occupies that office next.

It's a brave new world. One in which I only have to work one job, have Saturdays off, and can run to work. And back. I'm stoked.

4. Also Wednesday morning,I did a practice run to my new job. As in, I really ran. Turns out it's about six mikes, and takes about an hour. I'll start next week. I'm taking baby wipes and extra makeup and stuff to work, to stay there, along with cereal bars and protein drinks. I loaded a reminder for every Tuesday morninG into my calendar to take a change of clothes in.

3. Friday is ride your bike to work day. For first time ever, I'll get to do it.



2. I totally want to hire the three middle school popular girls to follow me around so that whenever I get ready to eat they start saying, Dude. Seriously? So gross.

1. I was pretty much in despair over the three weeks I spent coughing until I peed. You're welcome for the visual. I got pretty depressed and felt like a sick old lady. Three damned long weeks witout running. I was thinking, well, there goes my training. The climax, or low point, came when I was coughing AND had diarrhea AND my period. All at once. And then, as you recall, peed blood after trying to run a marathon. Clearly, god hates me.

Just kill. Me. Now.

Hey, are you coming out for hills runs? Said DreadPirate last week. Well, NO.

Then on Saturday, I went the entire day without any cough syrup. It faded quickly after that. On Tuesday, I DID go on the hill run. Still, as I said to Baboo, the 100k at Vermont in June is going to be a cluster fuck.

It's not in June. It's in July, said Sweet Baboo.

Oh, thank fuck. I may actually be able to pull this off.

All I have to do is get through a 50k and two marathon doubles, in the next month.

Yeah. That's all.

~~~~

 

Simplifying: The perfect pursuit for The Lazy.

Dear Diary,

I am a former teacher, and my husband and I moved into our “dream” home, which is a 30-year-old 1500 square foot ranch in the foothills of Albuquerque, when our youngest left home in 2008. We furnished just the way we wanted it; it was beautiful and spare.

Then I changed careers, but held onto to all the teaching supplies. We moved all our old stuff from the old house, including two old couches (aka, “giant scratching posts”), rarely used. When my parents died, I got all their stuff.

I recently have been reading two books by Miss Minimalist, I sprung for her larger tome, The Joy of Less. This is the best book I've ever read on the subject. Then I found out that she has a blog. Joy! So, I'd been reading her book in little bites here and there, and this Sunday, I'm going to have a monster garage sale. I wanted to share mostly what I've gotten from this book, mostly in the form of questions.

Oh yeah, diary, one more thing: This week, I gave Old Job the axe.  As in, I'm sorry, I can't keep this two-job thing going; it's wearing me out.  Next Wednesday is my last day.  Onward and Upward.

13.  WHY do I have so much freaking glassware and crystal?  First of all, I'm clumsy. That bodes ill.  Second, I decided last November that drinking alcohol is not something I need to do, given my family genetics and own tendency to drink it until it's gone.  Yet, I have two sizes of Irish Coffee glasses, a margarita set, a set of wine glasses, liquor glasses, etc.  I didn't even drink liquor when I was drinking alcohol.  Oh yeah.  This is going in the garage sale.  Priced to move.

Holyoke Pattern, Mikasa Bone China.
Tell your friends.  SRSLY.  I want to sell
this shit, but I'm not giving it away.

12.  WHY haven't I sold my mom's china yet?  I wrote about it here, and yet I still haven't gotten around to selling it. Well, that changed.  After doing some arm-chair investigating, I listed the pices on Ebay.  Know anyone who is interested in a set of Mikasa Holyoke bone china?

11.  Redundancy.  For me, that is the bane of my cluttery existance.  Baboo and I, each time we moved, would buy new towels for our new home, or rugs, or what have you...and then think, gosh, the old stuff is still perfectly good.  We'll hang onto it.  In case we need it...in case, you know, the world banks fail and we need extra towels to get us by.
The next thing you know we've got a linen area full of towels which, frankly, make me lazier than ever . Why wash when I can just grab another towel?  old towels: garage sale, $1 each.
And race T-shirts?  Really?  Even the good tecchie ones: I have, like, fifty of them.  In contrast, I have two pairs of running tights and three pairs of running shorts. 

10.  Sentiment.  My parents died, in my opinion, far before their time.  My mother was an artist and collected some beautiful things, but they aren't practical things, especially for a 1500-foot single-story ranch.  I can't hang all her paintings; I just can't.  But I can take pictures of them, keep the ones I can hang, and sell or give away the rest.  Various paintings: priced to move.
As for our own lives, I am very proud of the fact that years ago I switched from collecting shot glasses and other chotchkes to magnets. They take up far less room. They are our one cluttery indulgence.
If you are hanging onto something because of a perceived, future, tangible value - just look it up on Ebay. A thing is only worth what people are willing to pay for it.



9.  Garages and basements.  Why clear out clutter when you can just stick it in the part of the house where you don't have to look at it?  Our 1-1/2 care garage contains: our four bikes, a couch, several bookcases and cabinets, a mini-fridge leftover from the days that we kept things in our room that we wanted to keep for ourselfves and way from the hungry, hungry hippo, aka, the teenage Boy; tools that "every homeowner should have," you know, in case your roof falls in and you want to fix it yourself; many Christmas tree ornaments, despite the fact that for the past three years I have decorated out 4-foot tree with finisher's medals from that year; artifacts from hobbies in which we no longer indulge like golf clubs and cross-country skis, a weight bench we NEVER use...all going in the sale on Sunday.

8.  Say CHEESE!  I have tons of yearbooks and picture albums, including old poloroids of my parents grinning in black-and-white in their 1950s happy garb.  They are fading and cracking.  I suppose I could look up what other people have done with theirs, but let's face it, I am far to busy and too. Lazy. to ever get around to making craftsy things with my old photos.
Now, I also have a scanner.  See where I'm going with this? the plan: scan all pictures, put them up on Picassa for people to see, and then offer the photo albums to my cousins.
Also, Sweet Baboo had an extensive music collection when he and I got together. I had a few. along with the photographs, these are being converted to digital form, to reside in "the cloud".



7. Ambitions.  By and large, the most organized room in the house is the kitchen, which Sweet Baboo pointed out was probably because I use it every day.  I'm ashamed to admit he's probably right.  Still, there are things I have and never, ever use, such as:

• a pastry wheel (I don't have an oven and don't like baking.  It's picky work and a lot of trouble.)
• four can openers
• a french press (very messy and too much trouble and I personally believe that the the "best coffee" idea is based on a combinatino of the placebo effect and cognitive dissonance. No don't bother, you won't convince me otherwise.)
• a very expensive espresso machine that stopped working three years ago
• several pans that do the same thing

6. Jitters.  Why do I have so many coffee mugs?  Why?

5.  Teaching supplies.  Yes, I still have these, despite resigning in 2008.  I have wire in-baskets, an overhead projector, and assorted teaching materials, lots of red pens, scizzors, rules, etc.  I think these might be useful for home-schoolers and people who are motivated to "enrich" their kids at home.  They aren't useful for me. 

4.  Books.  Honestly, I think it looks cool to have all those books, but I don't re-read them.  They sit, and collect the dust and powdery mold that aggravates my asthma.  I live 1 mile from a public library, too.  They are getting listed on half.com. Also, bookcases.  If we don't have books, we don't need bookcases. The only exception might be that we get rid of the little cutesy shelf eterges and put stuff, organized, in bins on the bookshelf instead.

3.  Double-duty.  Himself and I do not have nightstands.  We do, however, have an oak filing cabinet that we still need for important things, and I have a small wicker cabinet that I use for my magic supplies (makeup and hair)...so, they are going to be our new nightstands.  Everything needs to have a purpose.

2.  Floors.  My intermediate goal is to get stuff off the floor.  The new rule is that in a closet or other area if it doesn't fit on a shelf, cull. Don't stack things on the floor.

1.  Lazy.  All in all, as far as I'm concerned, having less means having less crap to look through when I'm trying to find something, and also having less to clean, because remember: I. Am Lazy.

~~~

Weirdness.

Dear Diary,

I'm so sorry I've been neglecting you, Diary. It's just that this has been a couple of weird weeks, what with badgers, new jobs, illness , my mom-in-law was in town, and I've been testing sponge shoes. Meanwhile, here's some news for you: blood in the pee is no big deal.

13. *Cough* First, and certainly not least, Sweet Baboo brought a Boston bug back. And, I caught it from him. As bugs are wont to do, after a few days of crudeness it snuggled down in my chest and set up house. I've spent the week racked with deep, productive coughing spasms. Oh, well. At least it's a productive cough, right? It's kept me from running. In fact, it's kept me from doing much of anything other than sitting and sulking.

12. New job. So, Monday was the big Orientation day for the new job. Since I didn't want to be one of the sixty new employees who was remembered for her deep, wet coughs, I took some cough medicine. I also took some Dayquil. I didn't think about doubling up on the dextromethorphan because they were two different formulations. Turns out that didn't matter - I spend most of the afternoon robo-tripping without realizing what I was doing. I kept shaking my head, trying to clear it. But, I wasn't coughing. In face, I wasn't doing much of anything other than desperately trying to stay awake. Three cans of Mt. Dew and an energy drink later, I was still trying to stay awake AND I had to pee.


11. New NEW job. You'll recall, Diary, that last time I mentioned that another job had opened up at the New Job place. This one is full time, rather than the PRN for which I'd been hired, and it's in the child and adolescent unit. So, I did mention to New Boss that I was wanting to get more hours, since Old Job had told me they just couldn't have me part time, and were trying to replace me. Unhappily, I might add. They aren't happy I'm leaving.

So, New Boss asked if I would be interested in the position. I said, sure, I'd love to apply for it. So I am.

Then I found out that she might have been leaning pretty hard on folks to hire me.

10. Um. The vacating social worker told me all this and then assured me, Don't worry. Nobody here will hold it against you - it has nothing to do with you.
Uh, Gee, thanks, no. It has nothing to do with me, I thought. She might as well have added, It's just something you can feel painfully self-conscious about for the next few months.

9. Gee. So, I struggled a bit with this. I hate the idea that I'm forced upon people. Meanwhile, I'm trying desperately to learn this job, quickly.

8. Moths. We've got a swarm of them apparently, migrating through town. I just killed one while writing this. With my hand. Ew.

7. Critters. Chloe the Wonderdog erupted one night. She usually settles down, but this time she didn't. We let her out into the yard, which again, usually settles her down, but this time it didn't. I went back to bed and left the Jonster to deal with it, and then he tapped on our bedroom door a few minutes later, Mom? There's a badger in the back yard.

Baboo and I were all, did he just say Badger?

We got up to investigate, and sure enough, there was a badger cornered in the back yard. Luckily Chloe is bred to hold things at bay - she doesn't attack. I've heard they're pretty mean when cornered. We all went to bed and this one apparently didn't trust the situation, and dug his/her way out of the corner. I don't know if it's a resident. I know that we were ware that something had been digging holes near our compost bin, and we'd assumed it was rabbits, or a mole. You have to understand that from the perspective of a girl bred to the suburbs, this kind of wildlife is pretty exotic to me.

It is not a honey badger. But it apparently doesn't give a shit.

6. Sooooo, the take away message here is that if you choose to make your back yard a certified wildlife habitat, you don't necessarily get to choose the wildlife. Badgers are protected as a fur-bearing animal, and can only be hunted or trapped with permits. DreadPirate assures me that it's only after my compost bin. We'll see. I don't mind it getting in a turf war over compost with Larry the Turtle, but if my fish start disappearing, well, then it's game on, bitch.

5. Endings. I started packing up my office at old job. One of my hall mates stopped by, Oh, Misty, it's so sad...you're taking yourself out of your office.
She's right. I make an effort to have a warm, cozy office. Not only is it where I spend up to 8 hours a day, but it's a cozy oasis in the midst of a stark, clinical environment. I figure that the people in my office are not having the best day of their lives. I want to help put them at ease. So, I have lamps instead of the harsh overhead lighting, tapestry, and chotchkes scattered about. It's a very social-worky, therapist-y sort of office. I try to keep the marathon medals to a minimum.

4. Blind melon kitty is in heat again. Now she's pathetic, and annoying. But she's still amazing: she's chasing the moths all over the house. She can't see them, but of course she can hear them, fluttering against the window, or wall, or light, or whatever. She's caught a couple of them, too.

3. Shoes. Sweet Baboo bought me a pair of Hokas, and I've been wearing them for some medium distance runs (6-8 miles). They're as good as a shoe with 2-inches of padding should be. There was no miracle. I suspect all the hype is cognitive dissonance from people who have spent $170 on a pair of shoes and don't want to be disappointed. Sweet Baboo, however, had to take his back - they actually hurt him. They did something with his running stride that was not beneficial and caused pain. I'll be wearing mine to the Ship Rock marathon this weekend up in Navajo country.

2. So, back to New Job, and the people that are going ti intervi me. I'm mulling over ways to charm the hell out of these people. Cash? Muffins? My winning smile?
One of the nurses asked me if I was going to be around for a while, and I said yes, I do tend to prefer to nest. It's true. I would have stayed at the Old Job in definitely until offered something much better, and that doesn't happen too often in my line of work.

Well, tell us something about yourself then.

How to respond without alienating? How about, "I run about a dozen marathons per year," or, "I have a blog that some people read," or, "I have three master degrees?" No, no, no.

Finally, I just said, I have a badger.

1. I ran the Shiprock marathon today. I got leg cramps for the first time, which slowed me considerably. I'm also recovering from bronchitis. And, it was HOT. But the real treat was after I finished and sat down to pee and realized I was peeing blood. I went looking for a doctor, and met a PA, who assured me it was not big deal. So there's your trivia facto for the day.
...






 

In which I attempt to be simple. Er.

Dear Diary,

13. Aid station. We ran the Cedro Peaks 45 mile and 45 k run aid station that was the first and the last aid station people came to on this run. At the end a woman came through, looking stunned. It's a hard damned run at 6500+ feet. She cried and when Baboo asked her if she needed anything, she said, "my husband. I need my husband." Baboo and mini-Baboo did much of the work, with stunned EMT trainees looking on, wondering when you ask these crazy running people to stop

12. Camping. Mr Boston and I camped overnight to ran the aid station for the Cedro Peaks 45-mile endurance run. Camping was much easier with a small grill and a cast iron dutch oven. A layer of bacon, then potatoes, then eggs, et voila. Brunch is served. I did feel bad for the 45-milers that ran through, smelling bacon. But not enough to share my bacon.

And as always, when I got home, I had fresh appreciation for my electricity and running water. But not for my clutter.

11. Marathons. Upcoming marathons include Shiprock (NM), Segahunda in New York, Memorial Day in Massachusetts, Marathon to Marathon in Iowa, and Swan Lake in South Dakota.

10. Dysfunctional families. Just because your kid is weird and bucks tradition doesn't mean s/he needs to be locked up.

9. Dysfunctional families, part 2. But if your kid is actively preying on people, s/he just might benefit from some down time in a secure facility with psychiatrists. Think it over.

8. But anyway, kids, don't do drugs. I've met several kids who are acutely psychotic because they went on a Spice binge, or EDT or some other designer drug. One of them didn't stop being psychotic and went to the state mental hospital. Another one spend much of our interview whispering to me and peering furtively out the window. These were high functioning kids before they decided to gamble in the brain cell lottery and lost.

7. Teeth. I had my last unsavable tooth pulled last week, and it as grueling. I was on pain killers for a week and didn't do much running. It had a very long root and to avoid harming the adjacent teeth, they banged on it woth a maul and mallet again so that they could shatter it inside my skull and extract the pieces. Yeah. I know. I'm working at Old Job for 30 hours a week through the end of May to maximize my dental benefits until then. I'm also working it so they can take more time to try to figure out how to replace me. YEAH, G'HEAD! TRY TO REPLACE ME. SHOULD HAVE PAID ME MORE FROM THE BEGINNING, INSTEAD OF TRYING TO COME FROM BEHIND AND OFFER ME MORE MONEY AT THE LAST MOMENT.

Ahem.

6. Tired. Working 1.5 jobs and trying to train for an ultra is not energizing. My run training is for shit. I think I'm going to have to just let the house go to hell. By the end if may I should be down to just one job.

5. Hokas. I bought a pair of Hokas. The first time I wore them my achilles ached. After that, no more problems. I wouldn't say they're fantastic though. The jury is still out. I'll take them on a trail run soon and then I'll write more.

4. Boston. Why is it the more expensive the hotel, the more likely they are to charge you for wifi? There is a lovely Fairfield Inn in Las Cruses New Mexico that would give the Renaissance Waterfront Mariott a run for its money. And the Fairfield Inn gives free wi-fi and a microwave.

Meanwhile.

The food was fabulous and Boston was fun. I had real clam chowder, a pizza at the original Reginas, and Canoli from Mike's. Yum. It's weird, I live in a town that is as old as Boston, but somehow, it was more interesting, historically.

i ran the B.A.A. 5k, in 29:56. Not my best time. Yikes. Guess I need to start running again.

3. The cheap project. I'm reading Miss Minimalist http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Minimalist-Inspiration-Declutter-ebook/dp/B0052UYJDC which, along with my desire to be cheap, includes a desire to declutter.

When we moved from a 2700 square foot home to a 1500 square foot home for the two of us (and ironically a twenty-something college student) we wound up with stuff. Lots of stuff. It overwhelms me and almost gives me a panic attack, all this stuff. I've shoved it out of sight into a storage shed out back, and back bedroom closets, and the garage. (i'm sorry, sweetie baby Baboo. I promise you WILL have your dream garage one of these days).

It's time for drastic measures. More on this as it developes.

2. Small triumphs. By and large the mist important accomplishment I pulled off Sunday was NOT a sub 10 minute mile time (my time was 29:56. Hmph) it was...

 

....wait for it....

 

.....wait for it...

 

The face that I wore flappy running shorts through it, comfortably. These are the kind with the built in panty and allows your thighs to touch. I wore them, and there are no chaffing. NORMAL SHORTS. NO CHAFFING. Boo-fucking-yah!!!!

1. Old. Er. I've noticed a tendency to need a mid day nap these days. About fifteen minutes, and then I'm fine, but until then I'm dragging. I'm not sure what this means. Do I need more sleep at night? Or do I need to detox from caffein? Frankly, I just don't know.

...

Why Not Try?

Dear Diary,

It's Monday, and i'm in Boston, and Sweet Baboo just left for his shuttle to the start line.

I've know people who have gone to races as spectators and been inspired to try harder. Honestly, after my first sprint triathlon, that's never happened to me. When I tried for harder, longer, faster (mostly longer, because faster requires a lot of discipline and hard work and remember, I. am lazy.) my trying was because of a race *I* had completed and, after collapsing into a nearby grassy knoll or into a bratwurst or into a lake, while floating with a beer (or piece of pizza, or ice cream, whatever) and savouring the moment of accomplishment i would think to myself, "I wonder what else I can do?"

The finish line, that's what I'm all about. It's why I have two (and in August, three) masters degrees. I like the idea of having done something that not a lot of people have done. I also like being able to eat all I want.

The result is that I'm fit, for my age. My doctor adores me because I'm one of the few that actually does what I'm supposed to do. The recent employee screening I had at New Job confirmed it. My sitting up, not resting, and slightly annoyed pulse rate was 60. Even though I do eat to excess, when I'm at home, I eat only lean meats, whole grains, and last fall I decided I would no longer drink alcohol (mostly because of my hideous genetics--in late 2006 my father became the sixth family member who got drunk and shot himself in the head).

For some Who. Is lazy., I picked an odd pastime. Running is the antipathy of lazy. It's hard. It makes me sweat--ew. It makes me smell bad. It's seriously cut into my vanity; I can either wash my long, unbleached hair hair twice per week, or wash my short, highlighted hair every day: I can't do both, and having my hair its natural color depresses me. I am that vain. So, I have short highlighted hair now because if I run, I have to wash my hair.

But being in Boston has inspired me. I'm just by the anticipation of Baboo's finish. I love marathons. Yes, they are hard, but they're generally over with in time for a nap and supper.

So. What does this mean? It means if I want to do Boston, I have to get faster.

I did my first marathon in January 2007, in 5:59. Back then, the emphasis was on being comfortable. I didn't do speed work, because it's hard. Not terribly worried about speed, I slowly whittled my time down to my current PR, run on a flat course on a cloudy cool day at sea level: 4:47, 4 years later. In 2007, I did my first ironman in 17:19. I took over an hour off that time when I finished my second ironman 9 months later.

I don't know how fast I could be, but I know that I've been surprised by what I've been able to pull off off just by putting my fork down and heading for a run. Or, by actually following a training plan.

At my current age, i have to do a marathon in 4:00 to be allowed to try to sign up for Boston. Eek. That means at least 47 minutes needs to be shaved off my best marathon time to qualify.

That means sticking to a training plan again.

That means being un-lazy.

That means being disciplined.

Running to work?

Running home from work (all uphills)

Wearing my hair in a pony tail most of the time.

Eating less fried chicken.

Working one job, instead of two 3/4 jobs.

Will I pull it off? Who knows? I won't cry if I don't. It's another journey.

Okay. Time to get to work!

...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blogsy is pissing me off.

Twice my posts have disappeared before I posted them, and after I had written a substantial amount in them. Fuck this. Blogsy sucks. I'll post soon.

 

I posted a question on their facebutt page, too, which they deleted without replying. Niiiiiice.

 

I'm not in the seventh grade, and I've got things to do.

Dear Diary,

13. Okay. Give up? The marathon double we're doing is Saturday is the Sehgahunda in New York, and on Sunday, the Memorial Day marathon in Massachusettes. Mr. Smarty smart turned in some frequent fly miles.

12. My crappy Friday. Friday morning I woke up to a sharp, unpleasant feeling in my pelvis. It got lots worse, until I finally recognized it: shit. This is another damned ovarian cyst. Ow, ow, ow. You can imagine how unromantic this morning was with me weeping and trying to find a comfortable position. Finally, Baboo offered me a Tylenol 3, which I took with a sip of diet soda. Tylenol 3 is the bomb. I love, love, love Tylenol 3.

Anyway, it must have ruptured or something because I woke up three hours later with just a dull ache. Then I went in to have the blood draw for my annual physical, and was scolded by a twenty-something tech for having taken a sip of diet soda when I should have been fasting.

Listen. Just because you wear a lab coat discarded by a Clinique saleslady doesn't give you authority. I woke up in crazy mad pain this morning and yes, I took a sip of diet cream soda with my oxycodone and that isn't going to hurt anyone. Just put that in the comments section of my paperwork, if the certificate you earned from your six-weeks of medical tech school will allow you to do that. Otherwise, STEP OFF, BITCH.

Yes, that's what I could have said. But I didn't, because I am a FUCKING PROFESSIONAL. instead, I just said through my teeth, Draw my blood, so that I can go have my Starbucks, and I will accept the consequences from my doctor.

I also had a bacon artesian sandwich. That'll teach her.

11. Sweet Baboo has been closing in on his high school weight. He now is at a weight he says he hasn't seen since tenth grade. That is amazing, that a human being can weigh 187 lbs in 10th grade. I think I weighed 105 in the 10th grade. Yes, we will have to buy him new pants soon, and I, I will have to run more to keep the 40 lbs gap between us that has always been there. I can't imagine not being lighter than Baboo. He's downright lanky these days for 6’1”, but still makes me feel tiny. That's very important.

I must feel tiny. It's all about me.

10. I have now purchased a cable modem, a phone, joined Hulu , now I'm working on getting a VOIT device for phone. I'm shopping LED bulbs too.

9. I am far, far too lazy to write a full race report on the Bataan. So here is a profile of the course. And no, it wasn't 25.8. It was a full 26.2 miles of hot, sandy mess. It was hot, too. 90 degrees hot. With an increasingly dry, hot wind. Every time I tried running I would start panting and feel sick. So, I spent a lot of the last seven miles speed-walking.

8. Oh, and sand. Did I mention the sand?

7. In my continuing quest to be cheap, er, to conserve energy, I have two guys coming this week to give me estimates. The first is for solar screens. Most of the screens around our house are pretty bedraggled anyway, and one was torn up when we were robbed in 2010, so I'm looking to get new ones woth a spcial fabric that blocks up to 80% of the sun's rays on the south end of the house. The other guy is giving us an estimate on sun-blocking roller blinds for our front room, which heats up quite a bit during the day due to solar gain.

6. Also, the Jonster has been digging up grass in the front yard to prerpare for a more appropriate landscape plan. Growing grass in the desert is just stupid, wasteful, and expensive. It takes a lot of water to keep that stuff alive. And, its boring. I have a fantasy of having a yard like this one, from a place called High Country Gardens: this garden is called the inferno strip.

5. Why am I doing all this? More money for race entry fees and running shoes, of course!

4. I had my annual physical today. Everythings good except that my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) is "off". So, the doc bumped up my meds again.

3. Doc also asked me "about" how many long distances I ran, say, last year. I stared at him.

I mean, a half marathon or longer, say.

I stared at him some more. Then I finally said, hold on, I'm trying to count. I finally gave up and said, maybe a dozen?

Blink. Blink. In a year?

He loves us. Both of us. His private practice is full of ill people with cellulitis and badly managed diabetes, and all the people who say they want to be healthier but...but...but...and the excuses start. and once a year or so, we come bounding in for our annual physicals.

2. New job, ironically, also wants to give me a physical. I have to spend three hours with them on Monday.

1. My doc d me if I smoked pot.

"i beg your pardon?" the topic of the moment was my asthma, and I thought I'd misunderstood him. I was reminded of Daniel Tosh and was tempted to say, "no, because I'm not in the 7th grade and I've got things to do." But instead, I said, "no, i could lose my license for a drug conviction, and basides, there's random drug screens in my profession. I shouldn't have even taken that Tylenol 3 last week." He said, good, because most people don't realize that it damages your lungs.

Uh. Well, thanks, doc. I'll keep that in mind before I take up a new habit.

 

 

I do Albuquerque.

Dear Diary,

13. When I was having trouble making my decision last week about the jobs, I played a game that I read about once; I "tried on" each decision. I realized that when I "tried on" staying at Old Job, i felt disappointment. That's when I knew my answer. And when I talked to the CEO and told her I think it's time I moved in another direction, I felt immediate relief. It's over. Life will be simpler now.

12. Sweet Baboo informed me that I am now protected against age descrimination. Everyone over 40 is. Have a nice day.

11. I have a new project: cheapness. I've decided to dump my cable and get a good antenna, as well as Netflix and Hulu Plus streaming. Then I'm going to pit Century Link against Comcast and see who wants to give me the best deal for high speed internet. I've been reading a guy named Howard Clark, who has a web site and a book. i've had to do lots of reading. It takes a lot of studying to be a cheapskate. So far, i have picked a Wineguard antenna, and a preamp. It will be routed throught the house using the existing cable.

10. It was kind of jarring to look down the admission list at New Job and see that one of the patients was born in 1990. Wait--1990? I work on the adult unit, and since when is someone born in 1990 an adult? Then I did the math, and well, hell. i guess they are.

9. The New Job made their formal offer this week, which I accepted, and they then launched into a whole slew of things I needed to do next. One of them was to get my shot records. Wait--my what? What am I, twelve? luckily, my doc can order a blood test that "proves" I've had an MMR and write a letter for me.

8. Phase one of the Cheap Project is complete: I bought a Winegard antenna on Ebay. I'm scoping a second one, which I'll mount and I want to see if I can join the wires and then just screw it into the house where the cable used to come in. I also run to see if I can run some of this through my attic instead of it being stapled under my eaves, which is ugly. But I don't know if the heat of the attic will affect the signal. I'll have to look that up.

7. Cats have no respect for ipads. Olkokdvdgtf frsxc

6. I love that at the end of Yoga class, there is a little nap. What's not to love about that?

5. I have already been scheduled in as the "#1 PRN". There are a couple of other PRN therapist/discharge planners, but they place heavy restrictions on when they're willing to work, and no administrator wants to piece together a patchwork of people when they can have one person working entire blocks of time. I will be working most of the time, essentially a floater altough I'll have a regular gig in one area. Mysteriously, I will be working less but earning more, which is what happens when you get to work for people who actually pay a competitive rate. I will be working part time at the children's hospital, for now, but my plan is to eventually fade away, hopefully by end of summer.

4. I turned in my Application for Degree Form, and will hopefully get my MSW by the end if August.

3. I feel much more useful. I have been paid the wages of a preschool teacher for the past few years, and I suppose that's the price I pay for changing careers, but it seems to be over now. I will have sushi. And Indian curry buffet. And a five mile commute. Wait--did I mention the five mile commute? I HAVE A FIVE MILE COMMUTE. And, there's a paved bike/running path between here and there.

2. Saturday was the annual Green Dress run, which is a free handicap run put on every year, practically in my back yard. This is about a 4 mile run where they have Bailey's shots at mile 2. I did not partake of the Bailey's. I have not found it to be a performance enhancer. I overheard another runner talking about that later, "I did better this year. I think it was because I skipped the Bailey's." Duh.

Green Dress Run Profile

This is the third year I've done this race, and I suspected I did it faster than last year, but I didn't. I ran it slower. Boo. Himself the Baboo ran it in like 32 minutes. Geez.

The annual green dress run bills itself as "drag racing in the hills" Because, you are supposed to wear a green dress, no matter who you are. With that in mind, the Outlaws decided to do it in style this year:

Yes, that's me in front.

Himself the Baboo opted out of the cheerleader thing, but did wear a green dress, and darn me for forgetting to photograph it.

I sidled up to Baboo in my cheerleading dress while he was talking to some folks and said, Hey, if you want, I can wear this later. There was an awkward pause (It's so cute that I can embarass him like that) and he said, "Um, this is my wife Misty."

 

1. Last but not least, at New Job I am booked through the end of July, with the delightful exception of Memorial Day weekend and the Tuesday and Friday before and after. SOOOO, the Baboo and I are cashing in some frequent flyer miles, and we're coming east, y'all. In fact, the northeast. We're going to do another marathon double that weekend. Can anyone guess which two marathons we're doing??

..

No more grad student wages.

Dear Diary,

13. ...Jim spun me around to face the mirror, and...ahhhhh. i was a blonde again. With a 'e'. As always, the haircut was just the right cut for my stubborn, cowlicked hair. I drove home singing along to my latest earworm, 'stereo hearts'. Later, when I got home, my youngest informed me that my hair looked, and I quote, "retarded.."

He told me, subsequently, that it looked like a teenagers hair, and later that it looked like Hilary Clinton's hair. I call bullshit.

"I'm just being honest, mom"

Well, thank goodness for honesty. Let me know how that works out, son.

12. The whole job thing. I know I go on and on about it, but have you ever fantasized about those words? 'what would it take to keep you here?' I asked for time to think. That was last Friday, so I'll need to give an answer by this Friday.

11. I turned 47 this week. I am now officially pushing 50. I can't believe it. That just seems insanely old. I get a small puff of panic, when I think about it, because of my mom, who died at 61. Time is running out, the little voice in my head says. I have to keep reminding myself, I'm healthy. She wasn't.

10. Himself the Baboo bought me some more Crueset cookware. My dream kitchen is taking form. All that remains (my plan for 2013) is granite countertops and an oven. And maybe an induction cooktop. And some way to pay for it.

9. I had a weird nightmare Friday night, probably discharging the last of the exam jitters. In my dream, I was running a marathon with a group of people, including Jesus. I overheard someone say that 'jesus must die' but I couldn't tell who, and then he disappeared from the group. I was running around trying to find out who the killer was. In the end, we found these unscored exam forms from the Minnesota Multi-phasic Inventory and Baboo scored them to try to find out who the killer was from their psychological profile, but everyone came out normal. Then we realized we didn't have one for Jesus, who we then realized was a zombie and a killer. He had a hatchet in his head and was grinning at us, and really tall.

And this, folks, is why assessment nerds should not eat before bedtime.

8. i am signed up for the Jemez 50k. Tis should be interesting, as it takes place in the area around Las Alamos that as on fire last year (yes, again.). Last year it took me nearly 12 hours. To put that in perspective, i've done a 50 miler in under 12 hours. It's a tough race. It's two weeks after the Shiprock marathon.

7. I have a large fuzzy robe. It's fantastic. It's so warm I can only wear it during the winter. I bought it at Costco.

Hanging out is a little difficult in The Robe because two of our cats, one of them the blind one, start purring and creeping up on me, kneeding and licking and looking for milk. It's quite--disturbing. They find a spot and exercise their oral fixation until the front of my robe has little slobbery spots on it. I suppose it's slightly more charming than a dog humping my leg, but still.

6. I don't care how hard it was for you to adjust to the time change. Considering my 10 hour days, I am just happy to be able to come home in the daylight.

5. I went running out again in the morning. Ah, the fantastic morning. I will tell you that most of the time in Albuquerque the mornings are fantastic. Crisp and cool. I can feel myself getting more fit and shaking off the winter. One of my favorite runs starts out about a mile straight up, rising about 300 feet or so. My goal is to be able to jog all of that climb. I've done it before, but it takes persistance. Then it levels out for a mile. The first two miles are on road, which is how I start out this run right before daybreak. At mile 2, it's a rolling trail run, ending with a downhill to my back gate. Then I'm all happy and stuff. Today, I did it two minutes faster than last week, in about 50 minutes. As soon as I can figure out why the hell my Garmin has stopped uploading, I'll post the profile.

4. When Sweet Baboo and the Jonster were digging up grass last month, they found a plastic Jesus buried in the flower bed. I find it odd that someone would do that. Maybe a dog buried it, or a kid?

3. And then there's yoga class, wherer I am becoming much, much more flexible. Yoga is fun, because you have these little unexpected moments when you're NOT in Yoga, like when you bend over to pick something up, or balance to reach up onto a shelf...and it's easy. You feel the progress you've made in strength and balance. It also reminds me somewhat of my childhood, when I was in gymnastics (which, to be honest, speaks more to my childhood in Alabama than it does any perceived grace I might have--it's practically a state law that all little girls are in gymnastics or ballet. I did both.) Its also the only time in my week when I'm not thinking, thinking, thinking.

2. Mostly, lately, I've been thinking about jobs, and the question from the CEO at Old Job. And, I think I've decided that I'm moving on. I am not going to make an offer at Old Job, but just explain to them that I have loved working there, but there are more opportunities at New Job. And the fantastic, 5 mile commute. I was interviewed yesterday, and told that I should get my offer from HR soon.

1. I walked up behind my youngest and said, "i want to try something." I jabbed my thumb into the back of his neck. "How's that feel?"

"it...kinda hurts..."

I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "that's nothing compared to the pain you're going to feel, emotionally, if you get into the habit of telling the women in you life that their hair looks 'retarded.'"

"mom! I have to be honest!"

"No. No, you don't. Never be honest. Not about this. Never.”

Thank goodness he has me.

 

I'm a big baby with a license, bitches.

Dear Diary,

13. Everyone I've talked to about the Bataan Death March marathon tells me that the 'sand pit' is No Big Deal. I'm not buying that shit. I have a firm rule that anything in a race course that merits a nickname is probably a Big Deal.

12. By this week, before I have even been interviewed for the New Job, the other therapists there were already telling me how they were going to divide up the work with me.

11. Guess what is between my home and the New Job? Your choices:.

• A) five miles of paved running trail.
  
• B) a branch of my bank
  
• C) a Starbucks
  
• D) an all-you-can eat China Super Buffet, an Indian curry buffet, a middle-eastern cafe, and a grocery that sells hard to find Indian spices (cheap)
• E) all of the above.
  

If you picked E, you win. Actually, I win. I am getting ever closer to having the life that guarentees most of the class of 1983 (whoever shows up at the thirty-year reunion) will hate my guts. Yay me.

10. I had TONS of cotton race T-shirts I never wear. I couldn't figure out what to do with them, until I found out that they were needed at New Job because of the indigent population we serve. I feel good about this, though I admit it's startling to see a homeless elderly man with schizophrenia wearing a Tshirt from an Olymic Distance Triathlon. Meanwhile, if you're in Albuquerque and approached by a panhandler wearing a half-iron distance triathlon T-shirt, he's not faking. Give him a quarter.

9. then next thing that happend was that I found out that Women in Training has been moved and will be held a couple miles away from New Job. This is a program I like to volunteer for that gets women ready for their first 5k. The 5k is a women's only race where you get a rose and a piece of chocolate at the end. It used to be fifteen miles away, near my old job. How convenient is that? It's a sign. Yesss. All signs point to the New Job.

8. Wednesday night I slept about 9 hours, skipped my run, then got Up Thursday and went to take the LPCC licensing exam--the National clincial Mental Health Counselor Exam. It was a bitch of a test. When it was over, they printed out the results. The result gave an analysis of each section which broke down each of the sections, all of which had to be passed. I ignored everthing on the page except for the small, block letters in the upper right hand corner:

P A S S

I cried like a big baby in my car for a while, but of course, I am a now big baby with an independent, clinical license, bitches. Then I dried my eyes, reapplied my makeup, got my car washed, and hit the best Super Buffet in town. Dreadpirate said, eat healthy. Uh, sure. Whatever.

Mysteriously or not so mysteriously, the crick in my neck, which has been there for a month, is gone.

AND I have decided that the scarf I was wearing is now my Lucky Scarf.

I have worried and fretted over this since August 2011. I am going to eat a huge candy bar. So there.

7. I talked to my Old Job boss, and told her about New Job. She swore a little, and the next day, said that the CEO wanted to talk to me, about seeing how they can keep me. It's worth a conversation, right? The thing is, they are about the lowest paying agency in town. They hemorrhage talent.

6. SOOOOO, Here's a side by side comparison of the two jobs:

New........................................................Old

They like me..............................................they like me too

They're nice to me......................................they'rer nice to me, too.

The work is interesting...............................the work is interesting.

They pay me.............................................they pay me 50% more.

25 minutes on I40 at breakneck speed.....residential streets for about 15 minutes..

Near a Walmart.........................................near Target, Trader Joes, and the best shopping center in town.

Near a starbucks with a drive through.......somewhat near a starbucks with no drive through

My coworkers are all twenty-somethings.....coworkers are my age with my taste in clothes, politics, and music.

 

5. Blind kitty is in heat, which is not only pathetic, but a little creepy and weird. I have little experience with this sort of thing, and I'm all, STOP STICKING YOUR BUTT UP AT ME!! And yes, we are going to get her fixed. Soon.

4. So, the conversation with the CEO ended like this: What would you want from us to keep you here full time? I asked her if I could think about it. So, I'm thinking about it. I have to take several things into account. I love the children's hospital, I do. I loved teaching, too, and I left that in 2008.

Sometimes, you have to say farewell. And move on.

I want to help people. There is no reason why I have to be poor to do it. I went to grad school for a reason. I've spent more than ten years in college and worked hard to hone a very specific skill set. If New Job recognizes that and is willing to provide me with good pay, then I'll take it. I have student loans, for goshs’ sake. Unsubsidized ones. The kind that no politicians seem to be in a hurry to forgive.

3. I'm going to do a long run this weekend, to see just how bad a shape I'm in and how much of a cluster fuck my marathon in two weeks is going to be.

2. I turn 47 next week. Fuck, I'm old. er. This is like, mocked by teenagers old. So, I'm going back to being a blonde. If I have to be older, I'm going to be an older blonde. With an 'e'.

1. But I'll be an older blonde with a license, bitches.

...

 

The mysterious, disappearing post.

Dear Diary,

I was asked today why I hadn't posted for a while, and well, I had. I just posted on Wednesday. I went to look, and it's just gone. No post. No record I ever posted. Shit. I had pictures and everything.

So I'll try again.

13. Couple stuff. Sweet Baboo is doing Yoga with me. YOGA! I'm totally stoked that we have some more time together and he loves an athletic challenge. WE go to the gym at least twice a week together to do it.

12. Internship. I am their new favorite puppy. They like me, want to keep me, and promise to feed me every day. A position request has been submitted for me to fill, although I've been told that I have to interview for it >wink, wink< It's a 20 hours position, so I would be dropping to half time at my old job at the children's hospital, where I'm the diagnnostician, but it will mean a substantial raise from what I was making. Plus, the place is 10 minutes away from where I live. Oh, and in between work and home there is a starbucks. Plus, I can continue to fulfill my internship hours while I'm working, and go back to working 5 days a week, instead of six. Booyah. TOLD you I was a good employee.

11. New Bosses. They also don't work me death with the whole, oh, just one more thing...and can you make this a priority? No, I wont't be doing diagnostics, which I feel I'm very good at, and love to do...but that's okay. I have a plan in the works to return to that this fall. Meanwhile, I will be working 20 hours a week at the place where I am, and the place where I am goiing.

10. Three-syllables crazy. I wrote earlier that I've discovered that there is crazy, and then there is Ku-Ray-Zee. So now when I describe someone who's acute, sometimes I say they are three-syllables. As in:

• I'm Misty, one of the therapists here. I was wondering if there anyone you would like us to contact while you here?
  
• "Oh, yes, I told everyone. My family, all my friends...The music industry...Elvis Presley, Tom Cruise..."
  
• Ah. Well, looks like you've got it covered then. Let me know if you think of anyone you forgot.
  
• She rustles her sheets, arranges them in a peculiar arrangement around each foot, muttering, "One person here... " she points, in turn, to one foot, and then the other, "and one person here." Then she looks up at me, eyes narrowed. "Do you understand the procedure?"
  
• I nod seriously, and point. One person here, one person there. Got it.
  
• She nods. Dismisses me with a wave of her hand. I leave.
  

Three syllables.

9. Eating. The last couple weeks my binge eating has gotten complletely out of control. I tend to do that when I feel like my life is out of control. I go across the street from work and get two servings of hotwings. Or I buy a huge bag of chips and eat the whole thing.

Binge eating makes me feel like I have control over something. But, it's not healthy. So, I'm trying a little experiment: a single serving of oatmeal every morning, and see if that helps tame the beast. I started this morning, and worked steadily until noon before I even thought of food. Then I ate my lunch, and went back to work.

8. I learned a new word at work this week: Priapism. Google it.

7. I went hiking with a friend last week. We went on this hike. The descent involved climbing carefully over large boulders perched on a hillside. How difficult, you ask? Two and a half hours to go 5 miles. It climbed up over 2000 feet in two miles.

If you want to be a string ultrarunner, you have to be a strong hiker. I am not a fast runner, but I have passed a lot of fit people while walking. And, I have been passed in turn by even better walkers and hikers that I know I could beat in a 5k sprint.

6. I hate FaceBook timeline. There. I said it. And now, I can't switch back. I'm stuck with it.

5. Today we finally had a decent over 40s temperature morning. I headed out before dawn and ran For an hour. I finished up in the hills on the trails. The gloriously empty hills. It felt good.

4. I had my first visit with a chiropractor. I was 'adjusted'. At one point he grabbed my head and snapped my neck. I was reminded of those scenes in spy movies where the assassin sneaks up behind a guy and snaps his neck and kills him. The chiropractor warned me about what he was going to do but it was still startling to hear that loud, crackk!! I am not convinced that it helped. We shall see.

3. In two weeks I am doing the Bataan Death March memorial marathon at White Sands missle range.

This is the course. Oh, and did I mention sand? Yeah, sand. yay.

2. In April I'll watch Sweet Baboo run Boston. I am so looking forward to that vacation. Booyah.

1. So things are good. I fell good. i'm back on the trails. I'm slower than shit, but it feels good to be back out there again.

 

 

Forgive me diary, for I have sinned.

 Dear Diary, 
It has been two weeks since my last confession.  So now I'm playing catsup.
13. Diet. I am not a member of weight watchers any more. I joined spark people. It's free and they have apps for that, too.

12. Blind kitty, who was less than a pound and very close to death, is now over 4 pounds, and gets along very well with the dog. This is mostly because she can't see what's on front of her, so she doesn't run away from the dog. She's very much like any other cat except that when she sits on my ipad while I'm trying to use it, she is facing me.

11. Multisport. I went back to the pool two weeks ago. It was the first time I had been in a pool since 2010, I think. It was the first time I'd been swimming since august of last year.  The first week it took me forty minutes to do my routine: 100 yards with paddles, 50 yards kick, 50 yards alternate stroke, up until 1000 yards was done.  This time It took me less than 30. Then we sat in the hot tub, outdoors, for a few. I might even get on a bike one of these days. Heck, I might even do a triathlon!

10. #11 was posslble because Himself the Baboo surprised and delighted me by renewing membership in our favorite gym. We had dropped it a couple years ago to cut back.  And, since I am working six days a week now, we are establishing gym "dates." Each Friday morning we swim, and on Saturday night we go back over to do something else. Since he has been injured, he has been doing the eliptical, which we don't have at home.

9. Speaking of Baboo's injury, he had a cortisone shot, and it seems to have took. So, the Grand Slam is back on. 
8. I went back to my audiologist, finally, and had my hearing aid tuned up and a new audiogram done. Turns out you're supposed to have those every other year, and the tuneup every six months. I hadn't had a tuneup in a few years, and never had a new audiogram done after 2004. Oops. In any case, everything's the same: excellent hearing in my right ear, and moderate to severe loss in my left. Now that it's working properly, I'm back to wearing my hearing aid again.
7. I am very much continuing to enjoy my internship. I did a group this past week and it was lively with much contributing from participants, right up until the hour.  And, I finally get to see what I've read about in adults: a true manic state, florid psychosis, etc. e.g.,

• God has given me the gift to be able to see signs.
• Me: what kind of signs? How do the signs show up for you?
• Sometimes if i listen carefully to the radio, certain words will stand out.  I can look at billboards and advertisements, and words will stand out that tell me where to go.
• Me: is this how you came to be driving around that night, looking for the governor?
• Yes. I know that if I can find the governor, I can advise and help her protect our borders. But you know, sometimes God has a sense of humor.
• Me: and that's why you were out of gas, in the middle of nowhere, in your barefeet in the winter? Because God has a sense of humor? 
• Yes. And because He was testing me.

Etc.
And where do you go with that? I won't even go into the whole, "religion as a form of mass delusion" argument.  In many religions, they tell you that, "God does test you. He does give you signs.” So, at what point do you decide, "this is delusion" and, "this is religion"?  
I guess the answer has to lie in your level of impairment. If you're holding down a job and merely annoying family, neighbors and coworkers because you won't shut up about your beliefs, then you're religious. But if you're standing in the middle of nowhere barefoot in the middle of winter, out of gas, miles from the nearest city, on your way to advise the govorner about policy because God told you to, then you're delusional. But somewhere in between, the line is a bit murky, a bit fuzzy. And arguably, where that line lies may depend on your own beliefs. 
6.  I continue to explore ASL lessons in order to prepare for my next project: fluency in a second language. First I have started reading about the history of Deaf culture. Youtube is AWESOME for looking as signs as well. I have been doing an asl word-a-day. I also know how to say some swear words in ASL, thanks to this guy.
5. Today's word is LAZY. here is how to say I. Am lazy. In ASL. You point to yourself, and then make this sign:

It's an 'L' sign tapped on your upper left chest area.  

4. By the way, I mean no disrespect by my joke above about sinning. I am not Catholic, but I went to a Catholic girls' school for a couple years and I would never make light of the spectre of Catholic guilt. I had some as a result Catholic girls' school, for quite a while, and I'm not even Catholic.  My mother, an Agnostic, Insisted that I go, stating, those Catholics, they really know how to run a school. She was right, too. I studied French in the fifth and sixth grades and was taught to keep my mouth shut in class until one of the Sisters of the Sacred Heart had called on me.  And oh, how desperately I wanted to be Catholic. Have you ever seen Mermaids, the movie with Winona Rider? Her character-that was me.

3. My weight fluctuates between 151 and 155, bur my size has stayed the same. I really just cannot believe I wear this size. I will buy something a size 8 on ebay, and when it arrives, I hold it up, thinking, there is no way that is going on over my fat ass. But it does, every time.

2. I am sitting here typing this instead of working out. So, it's time I wrapped this up and got moving.


1. In honor of Valentine's Day I will gift you the most offensive Valentine's Day sentiment I've ever seen. Enjoy.

,,,

Motivation issues.

Dear Diary,

Well, shit. Its been an unusually cold winter. Wherer's my hairspray? (she said, standing outside and spraying the CFCs into the atmosphere...bitch, I don't car about global warming. I'm cold now.)

So I have yet to follow my training plan for one. Single. Week. What the hell is wrong with me? For whatever reason I get all weird when it's cold outside. So i tried asking myself the questions I had on my last post: 

What's the worst that could happen?

Seriously? You are reading the blog of the queen of worst case scenario and I have the expired prescription for Xanax to prove it. I could trip, fall into an arroyo into a pile of brush and not be found. Slowly, I would freeze to death as coyotes feast on my carcass.  Eventually, a gully washer would wash my remains down into the Rio Grande, and be covered over with silt and never seen again.

What's the likelihood of that actually happening? 

Pretty low, I guess.

Then why aren't you out there running right now?

Because I'm a giant wheenie. And a big wuss. A cold wuss. The pathetic part is that I'm also a heat wuss. Truth be told, there is a very narrow window in which I consider it acceptable to run outside, and it's between 50 and 65.  That's not as narrow as my cycling window, which is between 68 and 73 when it's partly cloudy and there's no wind.   But it's even more complicated than that. Behold, my decision-making rubric:

...................................sunny.........windy........cloudy.........raining

10-20 degrees F.            No.        Fucking.        Way.         Ever.

20-30 degrees F.         Nope.        Nope.         Nope.        Nope.

30-40 degrees F.         Maybe.        Nope.        Nope.        Nope.

40-50 degrees F.         Yes.          Nope.        Nope.         Nope.

50-60 degrees F.          Yes.          Nope.          Yes.          Nope.       

60-70 degrees F.          Yes.          Maybe.         Yes.          Nope.

70-80 degrees F.          Nope.       Maybe.      Yes.          Yes.

80-90 degrees F.          No.           Fucking.      Way.        Ever

So, as you can see, the ideal conditions are, well, my house. Or the gym. And the occasional spring or fall day. 

So long as it's not windy.

I should mention that I will hike on some of the cold blackout days. Like yesterday, when Baboo said, "hey, wanna go on a hike with me?" and I thought, heh. He's injured. How bad could this be? I should know better by now. Dammit. We climbed over 1100 feet in 3 miles. It was icy ladders and stairs, covered with sand, the whole way.

Meanwhile, I've generated another training plan. That I intend to follow. No, really this time.